Here’s a fun bedtime story for all you kids out there. Last night I was doing some cleaning out of the ‘ol refrigerator and came across a bottle of sake. Since I’ve never bought a bottle of sake in my life I was pretty sure this wasn’t mine, but I didn’t know how it ended up in my fridge. I should preface that by saying there are tons of things in my fridge that I didn’t buy, some brought by friends, some left over from houseguests, and some who knows what but what I’m saying is just because something is in my fridge doesn’t mean I put it there. Back to this sake. Where the hell did it come from? Well there could be a few options. Someone could have brought it over for a party sometime in the past year and I just didn’t know it. A friend who was staying here at the end of the year could have left it. Or it could be left over from year and years ago. I didn’t really know so I did the only reasonable thing.

I tasted it.

Now I’m not taking poured myself a glass and kicked back by the fire tasted it, I’m taking crazy small sip barely enough to swallow tasted it. I don’t really know what sake is supposed to taste like, so I didn’t know if that was good or bad, it was just weird, so i poured the rest down the sink and trashed the bottle. No matter what it was old and I wasn’t going to drink it so no reason to keep it. All was fine. For about 3 hours.

I started to feel not so hot and did some googling. I learned that sake, when kept in a fridge should last indefinitely. This was good as clearly this bottle was in my fridge. I felt relieved. Then I saw the exception, which stated that sake kept refrigerated would keep for a long time, EXCEPT it had been opened, in which case it will go bad in under a week. This bottle was definitely open, and possibly years and years prior. This was not good. Shit. Literally.

I spent the next 7 hours or so sitting on, leaning over, or curled up on the floor shaking next to my toilet. Let’s just say last night was not a stellar experience and leave it at that. By about noon today I could walk to the kitchen, get a glass of water, drink a sip of it or two and go back to bed without serious pain, and about 2 hours ago I ate a cracker. It was lovely. Slightly salty. I didn’t go back for seconds. I’m still pretty exhausted and wiped out but I’m alive which is a good sign.

The take away lesson from this experience is this: That thing that you found that you don’t really know what it is or where it came from, do not put it in your mouth. Yes I know this is a lesson usually learned by 3 year olds, but whatever. Additionally, please do not offer me sake anytime in the next 5-6 years lest I vomit on you immediately.