In preparation for my upcoming travels I thought I recall a few of the adventurous things I saw on my last flight from JFK to SFO via DFW. These are all 100% true and real and not made up at all. I swear.

The guy sitting across the isle to my right was reading a book and underlining important passages, or things that stood out to him. That’s what I thought anyway, until I noticed that he was underlining pretty much everything. So I thought maybe that was the only way he’d know what he had read or hadn’t. Maybe? But I looked closer, and by this point I was definitely staring and the dude should have known he was doing something weird but no he just kept on going. Upon closer investigation I noted that he wasn’t underlining everything, but at least 80% of each paragraph. He’d skip a sentence here and there and sometimes a word or two within a sentence.

Before taking off at JFK a flight attendant told someone a few rows ahead of me that they needed to put their water away because it was “against TSA for people to have drinks on the plane before it takes off.” This made no sense to anyone really, except the person who she was telling this too who bought it hook line and sinker. Another passenger asked if it was not allowed how come they serve drinks before take off in first class, to which the attendant responded “they pay more.” The lesson here is that apparently, if something is against TSA you can just fork over some extra cash and it’s all good.

There was a lady with 2 giant suitcases complaining to her self that she didn’t understand how people could leave the house with just one small bag and they must live like savages.

The guy directly next to me on the left pulled out a zip-lock back of potato chips that he’d had in his pocket for half the damn flight. Of course these were crushed all to hell and it was mostly potato chip dust at this point and rather than opening it up and just pouring it into his gross face like any normal person would he insisted on picking out each individual chip crumb with his sausagey fingers, eating it by putting half his hand into his mouth and then followed that by wiping his fingers on his pants. Then he’d repeat that whole thing over again. He did this for almost an hour before I finally killed myself because I couldn’t take it any longer.

lol wut?